It seems like overnight spring started to pop up around here. I always notice the daffodils first. They seem to be the welcoming signal that the seasons are shifting. And then my favorite, the pink buds on the Japanese magnolia trees are opening up. I think most people look forward to spring...to the regrowth, the green, the warm sun on our skin when we step outside.
But what about you? Have you noticed the things one would normally appreciate this time of year? Do you notice the blue sky, the redbuds, the sun shining? Does any of that exist to you anymore? Or does a constant darkness cloud any of the beauty and any of the good that's all around for those of us who have not experienced what you have?
It's been 10 days since you sent your loved one to school. Valentine's Day. I've wondered, if you're a parent who lost a child that awful day, did you leave out a Valentine's Day card and a box of chocolates for your child, just like you probably did when they were little? Did your child have a crush at school that he or she hoped might notice him or her that day? Did your daughter have plans with some girlfriends that night...plans to celebrate friendship and everything else that brought them joy? Did your son buy roses for his girlfriend? Did you help him pick out a nice shirt to wear to dinner with his girl later that night? Did you talk to him about the importance of love and affection every day, not just on this one holiday each year? "Yes, mom," I imagine him saying while lovingly rolling his eyes at you.
Did your spouse, an esteemed teacher and coach at the school, have a dinner reservation for the two of you later in the evening? Did he give you a kiss when he walked out the door, promising he'd be home on time so you could make your reservation?
Does the world stop spinning when you get a phone call that there is an active shooter at your child's school? I would imagine it does. How does it not?
What happens when you find out that your child or your spouse was one of the 17 victims? How do you go on? Why do we live in a world where this is even a question? Where this is a valid nightmare for so many of us?
I've seen the kids interviewed; I've watched their impassioned speeches with tears in my eyes. I've read about their plans for action. My goodness, they are so brave. They give me, and I believe a lot of us, hope for our future...hope that change is on the horizon.
Your grief will never end. The prayers from many, that you experience peace and comfort through the pain, will hopefully help you some, but the senseless loss is still there. And always will be.
So many of us are in your corner. We can't fathom your pain, and we are heartbroken that you are living it every day. We will continue to think about you and to pray for you, but we owe it to you and to your loved one to do MORE.
We will DO more in your loved one's name. In the names of the countless many who came before him or her. We'll do whatever it takes so you can, one day, notice the daffodils blooming in early spring.
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