To the Lady Who Honked at Me at Chick-fil-A

I was in the Chick-fil-A drive-through a few days ago, minding my own business, merging into one of two lanes before ordering our food. I jumped, hearing the person behind me laying on her horn. She threw her hands up in the air, and I was so confused. Is she honking at me? What did I do? Maybe I have a flat tire, and she's trying to get my attention? So she pulls into the lane next to me, and I roll down my window. I ask, "Did you honk at me?" She replies, "Yes, you merged in front of me and the eight cars behind me. It wasn't your turn." I told her I had no idea (I truly didn't) and told her she was welcome to get in front of me. She said in the huffiest tone, "It's too late now." There was nothing left to do but to apologize and awkwardly sit in line next to her while we waited for our food.

I rolled up my window; my face got hot, and my eyes filled with tears. And then the ridiculousness of it all made me cry even more. Here I was at Chick-fil-A, in the heart of the suburbs, upset over a soccer mom honking at me. There are people in this world who don't know when they'll get their next meal, and I'm letting something so silly ruin my day? Get a grip, I tried to tell myself! But I couldn't control it. The tears kept flowing, and Hadley was in the back seat asking me why I was crying.

You know when you're having one of those days. It seems like nothing can go right; everything goes wrong; and as much as you try to laugh it off you just need a do-over? That's where I was. And this suburban mom schooling me just set me over the edge when I was already teetering there anyway.

The next day brought me my do-over and a fresh perspective. I thought about this interaction again, wondering why it'd made me so upset? Why am I always so sensitive? And instead of focusing on that (I'll probably always be sensitive, darnit), I thought about the many times that I have been that lady honking at the car that "butted" in line. How many times have I reacted to someone or something, without all the details, but assuming the worst? And how does that reaction make me feel?

Does honking at the person who pulled out in front of me (which might have been a dangerous move on their part but turned out to be OK) make me feel better? Or does it really just make me a little more rage-y?

Does saying something to the person who jumped in front of me in line make me feel vindicated? Or does it just raise my blood pressure and make me angry? "Who does she think he is? I'm not letting her get away with that," I often think to myself.

Or in the crowded waiting room, when the young man doesn't offer his seat to the elderly lady who walks in, I say under my breath, "Nice manners, buddy."

Or when the cashier is short with me and isn't as friendly as I expect her to be. "Gosh, what is her problem?"

Or when an acquaintance you stop and speak to isn't chatty and seems aloof and uninterested. "Wow, she's not the friendliest."

I'm not saying we need to let everything go. We don't need to allow ourselves to be bulldozed everywhere we go, or ignore people or situations that continually take advantage of us. But maybe sometimes we do? Maybe instead of assuming the worst, we try to assume the best instead?

When someone butts in front of you in line, instead of "Oh she must feel like she's entitled" instead think, "I bet she has no idea she just did that."

When the young man doesn't offer his seat to the elderly lady, instead of scoffing at his manners maybe think, "Gosh, I have no idea what could be going on with him. He looks healthy, but maybe he's not. Maybe he has to sit."

When the cashier is short, remember that she could be stressed, thinking about her sick child at home, or wondering how she's going to pay this month's bills.

When the acquaintance continuously seems aloof and doesn't have a lot to say, maybe she's not rude...maybe she's just shy and has a really hard time with small talk.

We most often know nothing about what's going on in a person's world. Life is hard, even on the best days. And even for those who seem to have it all together on the outside, we have no idea what's going on inside. That their world may be crumbling.

I think if we all could give grace more often we'd be so much happier and healthier. Right? It feels good to me to just let things go. To not let people or situations really affect me or my day. And choosing to see the best in people, rather than the worst, makes me see the world in a brighter light.

So the next time I'm tempted to puff my chest and be on the defense, I'm going to choose to give grace instead. And the next time someone honks at me (and it's bound to happen), I'm going to extend grace to them (and to myself) as well.

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To Those Boycotting Beauty and the Beast

It's been revealed that the soon-to-be-released adaptation of Beauty and the Beast features a gay character. His name is LeFou, and he has feelings for Gaston. And people from Franklin Graham to the owner of a movie theater in Alabama are calling on Christians to boycott the movie. Because that's exactly what Jesus would do. He would turn away from people who are marginalized and would make them feel less worthy, right?

From what I have read the one scene that somewhat addresses LeFou's sexuality is toward the end of the movie when he accidentally ends up dancing with another male. Rather than pulling away, they smile at one another and continue dancing. Over the top, isn't it? I can't believe Disney and their political agenda. My guess would be that more than 99% of children seeing the movie won't even pick up on LeFou's sexuality. Why? Partly because it's subtle; moreso because kids are cool like that. Children don't see color or sexuality or gender. They see human beings, and all they want to do is play and imagine and laugh. The adults are the ones who muddy things up.

 

So let's say you take your child to the movie, and he or she does notice the character of LeFou. Great! It means you have a child who notices things, and it also gives you the perfect opportunity to teach your child about love and the fact that we all have the opportunity to love whomever we choose.

Our children need to learn sooner rather than later that they will meet many people in this life who are different from them. And that's a good thing! Befriending people who don't look just the way we do only enriches our lives and opens our hearts and minds. Build a longer table not a taller fence.

I've unfortunately read the articles and the comments from people boycotting the movie. And they all made me so deeply sad. Some are irate, believing that Disney is forcing their political agenda on moviegoers. First, no one is forcing anything on anyone. See the movie if you want to; don't see it if you don't. It's pretty simple. Second, and most important, what's political about a person's sexual orientation? These are people; this isn't politics.

So, to those boycotting the movie under the cloak of their Christian principles: call it a boycott, but don't you dare call it a Christian boycott. Not much in life makes my blood boil more than people who claim Christian principles but live their lives shunning those who are different from them.

I've read many responses from Christians who state that they love the LGBTQ person but that doesn't mean they have to accept their lifestyle. Or my favorite (please note the sarcasm): "I love the sinner, but I hate the sin." Friends, this qualifies your "love" for them and is frankly dehumanizing. Our job is not to point out the "sins" of anyone. Our job as humans is to love without any caveats.

When you state, "I love you, but..." it makes people feel not fully loved. Right? We've all heard the dreaded "but" in a sentence and have waited with fear for the shoe to drop. "I love you, but I'm not in love with you." "I love you, but you're not the one." "I love you, but I don't love your lifestyle." Doesn't this make us all walk away feeling broken and not worthy? Guys, LGBTQ youth are two to six times more likley to attempt suicide than heterosexual youth. Does that not break your heart? Because it breaks mine. Our words and our actions have the potential to hurt people...deeply. Our words and our actions also have the potential to save lives.

Does seeing a movie with a gay character in it turn children gay? I'd say that's about as likely as their seeing The Little Mermaid and growing a fin.

Does seeing a movie that has a gay character normalize homosexuality? I hope so. The LGBTQ community exists; they're not going anywhere, nor should they. They are people who deserve love and inclusion and equal rights as much as we all do. They deserve to see their love stories portrayed on the big screen because they exist, and they matter. Period. The end.

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What Lent Means to Me

Today is Ash Wednesday, the start of Lent, the season leading up to Easter. Today begins the 40 day journey for many of us...a specific period of time for self-reflection, fasting, and strengthening our relationship with the Lord.

 

 

I love this season and all that it represents. I love that it begins in winter and ends in spring. Right now the trees are mostly bare, but when Lent ends and Easter Sunday is celebrated, everything around us will be saturated with color. What a metaphor for Lent, Easter, and life, really. Bare bones to bursting with color. Death to life. Nothing to everything.

 

I mostly grew up in the Episcopal church. We recognized Lent, but as a teenager I didn't really get it. One year in college it finally clicked, and I decided to take it seriously. I gave up my daily habit of a Starbucks Vanilla Latte, and I also took on daily devotion and prayer time. When the sorority house was quiet, I'd get up and go downstairs to an empty room where I'd read a devotion, read my Bible, and pray. That changed me more than anything. The taking on more than the giving up. Of course the act of giving up something we cherish is important...but the act of taking on is just as important in my opinion...because the taking on is what really changes and shapes us. And brings us closer to God...which is the whole point and purpose.

 

This year I'm focusing on two things.

 

I'm giving up candy, which, if you know me, is a pretty big deal...especially during Easter. No jelly beans, no Cadbury Cream Eggs, no egg-shaped Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Nada. Typing this it seems silly. I'm giving up candy for 40 days; Jesus gave his life for me. But I guess the silliness of it just magnifies the reality of my humanness, my frailty, my need for more. So much more.

 

I'm also taking on the task of keeping a prayer journal and engaging in daily, focused prayer. For 40 days, I'll write down specific prayers. I'll pray over them, and then I'll start over the next day. Doing so will help me remain accountable...which is so deeply important to me. If I tell someone I'm praying for them, I mean it. And now, I'll write it down, and there's no chance I'll forget it. Also, throughout the 40 days and at the start of Easter, it will be especially meaningful to look over the specific prayers...and to see and search for (many times we have to search) the ways in which the Lord has answered those prayers.

 

Throughout my life as a Christian, nothing, and I mean nothing, has changed and shaped me more than daily prayer. Communicating with the Lord on a consistent basis opens my eyes to his presence so immensely. There's not as much "Where were you God?" and there's so much more, "Aaah, there you were, and here, here you are."

 

 

I'll leave you with this, something I read in our church bulletin four years ago. I wrote it down and read back over it often: "The point of Lent is to feel a little discomfort, a little pain, and by that to be constantly reminded of the love of our Savior Jesus Christ, who denied himself for our salvation."

 

If you need prayers (and don't we all!!), I'd love to pray for you. Send me an e-mail, and I'll add you to my prayer journal. I hope and pray that this Lenten season will be meaningful for all of us...and that, at the end of it, we'll be refreshed and renewed and will be in closer communion with the Lord and all of his children on this Earth.

 

From Joel 2: 12-13: "Even now," declares the Lord, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning." Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger, and abounding in love." Amen.

 

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I hope everyone has a beautiful day!