I had to dig deep during that time to try to understand why I was doing what I was to my body...why I was literally starving myself. It's a much bigger issue than just food and body image…it was a quest for perfection, a quest for approval from everyone around me, a quest to be seen and noticed.
I reflect on that time and realize how much life I let pass me by. I'd do anything to have that time back...it was a blur, and I feel like I wasted a few years of my life. Even now, years later, I still struggle from time to time...I will never let myself go down that dark path of starving myself again, but I do still wrangle with body image.
As hard as that time was, I gained a lot of insight about myself and have grown tremendously. I learned that perfection is overrated; I learned that our flaws are what make us beautiful. I learned that life is too short to skip dessert. I learned that who I was/who I am is good enough. I learned that not everyone would always like me, and that was OK. I learned that my self-worth has nothing to do with my size or what I look like. I learned to give up control and to just be me...quirks, bumps, bruises, and all.
Through my struggle, I learned to eat again...and in doing so I learned how to truly live.
Thank you for reading my story.